Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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