we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
