I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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