I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
