hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
