you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
