I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize