I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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