i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
