Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize