so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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