I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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