I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
