We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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