i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
