What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
