Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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