Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
