suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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