I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
