Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
