i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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