I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
