Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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