just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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