you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
