he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
