Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize