oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
