i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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