i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
