Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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