everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
