turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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