I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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