i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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