i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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