Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
