I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
