I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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