Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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