So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize