Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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