I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
