im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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