tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize