at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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