SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize