if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
