So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
