Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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