Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
