What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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