She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
