oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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