woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
