he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
