We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
