I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
