so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
