Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize