I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
