I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
