Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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