so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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