you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize