Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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