haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize