I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
someone threw a dead crab at me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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