Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
PS: I just woke up from my shower
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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