i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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