why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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