He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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