i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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