Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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